When you're not plural

 What not to do when you're single

~Never buy a cat because your single because it will become your furry contract signing away any hope of love. Cases this applies most to are women in their late 30s who are single.

~Never eat alone in a resturant. Having both mocked and par taken in this event I feel I have a fairly rounded view of this situation there is only so long you can pretend to text and the pityful gaze from a waitress pierces any string of dignity you might have.

~Facebook stalk a previous lover/interest/stranger It is a brave new world we live in and we're all slowly but surely being connected to each other and this is of course like most things a double edged sword because all communication between someone half way around the world is now instant and makes life just that bit easier. But there are two downfalls. Firstly we are becoming aware of how peculiar some people are and that slightly scares me. Secondly we now can't escape a past simply by not talking to someone anymore because of the terrible addiction called facebook...we're caught up in social protocal of having to add friends who aren't really friends simply people you know. And not wanting to offend anyone you accept them and from there you are tied into a contract of pokes,farmville and posts....you cannot escape. It truly is a brave new world

What not to do when someone has just broken up with a partner/husband/wife/animal

-When replying to their outburst of emotion where they tell you they've broken up with their other half DO NOT stand there in an awkward silence before proceeding to pat them on the shoulder and offer them comfort by saying the words ''My condolences'' because apparently this is out of context and should only be used if someones dead. Also try not to bow slightly whilst saying those dreaded words.

-If a person has just broken up with a boyfriend right in front of you there is a window of opportunity in which you are able to move in. This window does not open as soon as he walks away, even when you lay your cards on the table that you have a still valid 2 for 1 Orange Wednesdays offer.

-Offer them advice on staying strong and getting back in the game which inevitably goes off on a tangent concluding with them hypothetically dying of loneliness.